Despite my health and not feeling good I have had several fun days...And some changes in my Chemo treatment Plan......1st I still could not let Maya's 2nd Birthday go by without a cake and the traditional Happy Birthday too Maya Song! She sure knew we were singing to her this time and she was all smiles! This was the same day that I shaved my hair so it was definitely a day I will not forget.
My Chemo Day (which was my birthday) was postponed due to the infection I got with the tissue expander. Chemo was against me so I began to reject this foreign object in my body. My Plastic Surgeon decided to send me back to the Hospital this (Friday) to try and clean up the infection, sew me up and hopefully fight this before I start my 2nd round of Chemo. This decision was made instead of taking out the expander which I did not want to have to do. So I was able to feel somewhat good on my Birthday since I did not have to get treatment... It was bitter sweet because I get an extra week of feeling "normal" but this only prolongs treatment and I'm just counting down the months....I still had to meet with my oncologist to discuss how my 1st treatment went. He discussed my results of the breast tissue biopsy and I have been diagnosed with Stage 3 cancer! My heart just stopped... I started saying to myself... "how am I going to live through this?" So I just said my thoughts out loud to him... He began to tell me that the PET Scan that I had which looks at EVERYTHING in your body looked okay... I said only okay??? What do you mean?? He said no signs of cancer on the uterus, thyroid major organs that cancer can go to. I will need to continue to have other PET scans after treatments are done and carefully watch for any changes. I tell you this was worse than the actual Chemo it self! I was in a moment of an"outer body experience!" I then calmly said thank you for all you have done so far, got off the table and literally cried my eyes out all the way to the car! How is it that just when I think I'm so strong... I'm Not?
These moments are scary! Hearing words from a doctor that is making decisions for your life FREAK ME out! I just feel like I want him to say... Everything is Great, No Cancer..... Bye.... Keep in touch.... But that's not the case for me... I still have the agony of a wait and see situation and I'm a little insecure about this!
I then drove home... talked to my best friend from Memphis. She called to wish me a Happy Birthday that gave me a "pick up" then I checked my email... Had 2 awesome friends that I've known for over 20 years wish me Happy Birthday which made my day, then had my good friend bring me flowers which lifted my spirits, then had my sister bring me a gift which I loved, then had another sweet friend bring me a cake & dinner!, then had another friend make me a desert! Need I complain any more?
No!
I decided to just stop thinking of all the what ifs and enjoyed my day and tried to be happy!
Good thing the night before I got to go out with Mitch and 2 wonderful friends for dinner... What a way to let things go and just have some good laughs and enjoy each other... As I was sitting with my friends it was the 1st time I looked around and thought... I never really noticed peoples hair! I began to look around and then as I went to the bathroom and saw women "primping" I was missing a little of me! But It is What It is... I need to get over this! I had a great time with Erica & Scott. Friends that anyone would want to have... Seriously... Can't describe them... Just amazing people! They lifted me up that night and after we had some great talks the night ended and I was happy to spend my 1st Night Out (with no hair!) with 2 of my most favorite people. I love you guys!My Friends & Family again I love you and will continue to think of you in my daily thoughts. I will be in touch after my recovery with sugery #3.
5 comments:
I am so glad that Maya got a nice birthday and that you got out a little for some fun. I think you still look ever so much like the fashion diva in your pictures. I am in awe of your continued beauty. Also, you are incredibly strong and everytime I read your words I am taught and inspired. Happy Belated Birthday!
You look so cute in that hat. You have the perfect face for it. Happy Birthday!
Glad you were able to have some fun after I got off the phone with you. I'm still wanting to come see you whenever you give me the word. You know I'd do ANYTHING for you. I can't believe Maya is already two. Where did the time go? Love you.
Happy Be-lated Birthday! I knew it was Mya's b-day, but had no idea yours was so close! Bad friend award for me :(
I'm glad you were able to celebrate and enjoy yourself. I think about you everyday.
You shoud be proud of yourself. Your so strong and wonderful example to me. Love ya.
Happy Birthday Elizabeth! You look like a HOT momma in your pictures!
You ARE strong - much more than you realize and you are an inspiration to everyone you touch with your thoughts, feelings, and words. Hang in there Elizabeth.
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