Friday, April 24, 2009

It's Not Genetic!

Several weeks ago I had a genetic test done to see if this is why I got breast cancer. If it was positive statically I would have a higher chance of the cancer reoccurring somewhere else or back in the breast! I'm pleased to say the test came out negative! What a blessing! I was so scared because I just had a slight feeling that my results were going to be positive. It is amazing how far research has come. There are 2 genes they test for BRCA 1 and BRCA 2. Mutations in these genes cause in most cases hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. So it was a good day for me. Positive things do happen in times of trials and challenges!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Radiation Not To Bad!

Today I started my 1st Radiation Treatment (only 32 more to go) I can tell this is going to get old doing this every day til June but I have no choice! I got all marked up with a Sharpie Pen! This was to make sure all the measurements were precise when radiating the breast. Afterward they put several permanent ink marks the size of a freckle so they know everyday where to position the machine. So I guess I have dot to dot tattoo's on my chest for the rest of my life! It's not that bad It just took me by surprise when they said "okay we have to make a permanent marking on you in several places" If felt like a finger prick s0 no pain! I can tell I feel a little drained today as if maybe I was out in the sun all day and just feel sleepy... But I got to keep going with these 3 kids that never stop!

As I laid on the radiation table I just thought... I am blessed to be alive! I am blessed to have the love and support from everyone all over. From back East to Arizona... I could not keep the positive thoughts if it wasn't for all of you. I try very hard to remember what is important in life and it sure has put a different perspective on why we are here on this earth and what we need to do to be better people! I hope as I get better I will continue to remember this and be humbled by this experience.

Tomorrow is day 2 of Radiation and I got to just keep on going!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

What Chemo Does To A Person...

As much as I thought I knew all about the side effects of chemotherapy I never realized how it can break your spirit! I have remained positive and happy for most of this journey but as the weeks have passed I noticed feeling down and had constant feelings of anxiety. For example I get nervous or stressed just to get the kids ready for school. It feels so huge of a task to do! I also do not have much to say and for me that is big because I like to talk and I'm always interested in people! Lastly, I feel like at times my hope is gone! I know it will come back but it feels like it will take a life time to be normal again! Oh an one more thing... I cry all the time!
What I have learned and never gave much thought about this chemo is that the toxic stuff entering the body literally messes with every sensory /feelings that a person has!
  • It begins to make you not "feel" anymore.
  • It begins to make you not "like life much"
  • It begins to make you"not appreciate" what you have because your so wrapped up in what is going on with yourself!
I guess you could say I'm in a dark place right now but I have to keep telling myself that This Will Pass! It is hard when your in the moment...I'll be honest I feel the chemo has built up so much in my body that I am now feeling the real effects of WHAT CHEMO DOES TO A PERSON!

I pray I will Begin to get better soon. It's not fare to my children and husband! I'm just numb. I sure wish the doctors told me that this is one of the MAJOR side effect besides just loosing my hair...

So for now I will just keep living day to day in hopes that the burden will be lifted and I will someday begin to "feel normal" again...

Friday, April 3, 2009

6th Round... Done!

My dearsest friend gave this picture to me after picking me up from my last Chemo! What a sweet thing to do for me... Sure made me feel special!

I can not believe I get to write this! Done. Done. Done. with this part of the treatment plan.

In 3 weeks I will begin Radiation. That will last about 7 weeks everyday. The doctor said today that I can expect the chemo to hang around for 3 months with depression, being tired, lack of interest all the things I have been experiencing. However, in 10 days or so I should not be so sick! That is tough because your helpless. Such mixed emotions with all of this... I think my reality of what I've gone through has just hit and for that the depression has set in... I hate that I don't look a bit myself...The stress and constant sickness has finally gotten to me! I know this will pass but it sure is hard when you "in the moment". I need to be grateful that I was able to catch this darn cancer when I did. I might be writing some much sadder things which is not what I'd ever want to be doing.
I feel lately I have not much to say. I know that this journey will not end until I'm put back together after reconstruction. Maybe then I will feel this part of my life is done. I just hope and pray I will begin to be myself... Wanting to be with my children, wanting to make dinner, wanting to do things with people, wanting to just live a happier life! This will happen I know. For now I'm just expressing a little "lows" in my world. It could be worse I know! So I need to get back to being me! This was good to vent... IT WILL GET BETTER!