3 Down 3 To Go!

I'm waiting for the RN to get me started with the medication... I decided to put the scarfs on hold for a while and start wearing hats! It makes me feel like I dont look so much like a cancer patient! So hats are what I'm wearing for a while! If the Cardinals win the Super Bowl I'll get me a new hat in honor of them!

This is me sucking on ice.. When the 2nd dose of chemo is administered their is a chance of sores in the mouth so this helps prevent that from happening. I immediately put this ice in my mouth I can't stand the sores!

I'm at the half way mark! I'm happy but feel at times 3 more is so far away.

I began the morning meeting with my oncologist. We went over my chart etc, etc. He said I was doing very well and all of the side effects I'm experiencing is normal. I'm just like everyone else who has to face this battle so I knew not to complain to him... I did learn that the steroids I'm on do cause water retention and weight gain so this is why I seem puffy in the face and can't seem to put on my jeans! I decided that I will not worry anymore til this is all over because medications can do funny things to your body...

I then went into the "chemo club" sat down in a recliner and waited my turn for someone to come over check my band with my name and get my meds rolling... I have to say I got more nauseated today than I did in the past. Mitch came and had to leave at noon. So once again my good friend Erica was there to support me and help me not think about what was going on... We discussed life talked about tragedy's that our friends our going through and it made me realize ONCE AGAIN that we all have our Private struggles in life and this is why we are here so we can learn from each experience! No matter how hard it is you just have to push through....

After finishing chemo can you believe I had her stop at Dunkin Donuts so I could get a dozen for me and the kids? Somehow that sounded good to me.... So that's just what we did.

When I got home after seeing the children I was ready to lay down... I went into the guest bedroom and my mother had a candle lit with fresh clean sheets for me to lad down on... What an amazing mom! Good to be in bed and take time to post my feelings....

Thank You friends for the emails, cards, and much needed support... I feel the love I really feel it!

To Expand or Not to Expand!

Funny kind of example of a tissue Expander but this is how it works:

After I had the mastectomy the Reconstruction Doctor inserted the tissue expander to begin expanding for a new breast.

This is another picture of how the expander works! The figure shows how it was inserted into my chest wall and then expanded each week... AfterI had the 2nd surgery to "fix" the infection, I took a break from expanding the tissue for a new boob! I felt I needed a little time to heal since I had so many surgeries plus chemo!

So today I had an appointment to get expanded and I just felt like it was not time! I drove to the doctor saying to myself should I expand or not expand? I felt I could not take the pain (it's more pressure than pain) So when I went into the doctors office she was already to expand and I said... "I'm not ready!" She said that I could wait 1 more week and then I'd need to get moving so I could get this tissue stretched... I learned today that I have to get OVER EXPANDED before I can finish the reconstruction part which means a bigger boob for a while... So Next Week I Will Begin The Process Again....

Wish List...

This week I haven't felt all that bad... I was Eating, Sleeping and Taking Kids To School! But I have to say my spirits are low... I keep telling myself that this is totally normal! How can someone with Cancer and going through Chemo always be in good spirits? So I decided to write down what I wished for maybe this will make me feel better....

I wish that sometimes...

1. People did not look at me funny!

2. That I could touch my head in the shower... When I wash my head I do it very quickly because it still feels weird to me!

3. I could taste flavorful food.

4. I did not have sleeping problems.

5. I did not gain weight! I thought for sure I'd loose but the steroid makes me retain water and want FATING FOOD!

6. I could get up in the morning feeling like I want to face the children.

7. I could stand Noise.

8. I could concentrate

9. I could get use to the WIG

10. April 3 would get here! This will be my Last Chemo Treatment


This is it... not much more that I would wish for. This will pass I know. I just don't have the energy to do what it takes to be like I want to be.

Hair Does Make A Difference!

Okay today I decided to go to church and so I knew I had to do a little more to myself than just wear a scarf! So I got up and put on this actually "REAL HAIR" wig that was given to me by a dear friend. Rewind a few months ago...


My friend Amy was diagnosed with Breast Cancer Last Year and is now officially done with Chemo/Radiation. I had a synthetic wig but did not really like wearing it so one day she called me and asked if I wanted her wig. I said sure! I remember how she looked and you never could tell that she was wearing a wig! So I've worn this one about 3 times now but never took a picture of myself. I decided when I got home to take a pic and post it so I could remember how I looked.... Not bad for being a wig! Ya Think?
So many people said that it looked like my real hair! I actually think I'll start wearing it more! Thank You Amy!

Got A Shot=Feeling Out of It! + Met with Surgeon

I now know that for me getting getting the shot to help my white blood counts go up and to prevent me from infection is a killer! Once I got the shot and had enough time to get to the car I told my mom..."I feel funny!" But If don't receive this shot I could get any kind of disease or wind up in the hospital. So feeling Out Of It is paying the price! It's more than feeling Out Of IT. It is just not me! I can not comprehend well or function with anyone or anything... Feeling sick is just the half of it!

My mother then drove to the next appointment to see the reconstruction doctor to look at my boob less boob! Actually it's doing real good. Got a little more growing to do. But the surgery I had a week ago was worth it! Infection is cleared and she said I will be ready to "pump up" by next week. Not quite sure I'm ready for that pressure and pain. I will just have to see. At least their is something to put in a sports bra :)

By the time my 2 doctor appointment was done so was I. I felt so jittery and could not control how I felt. I could not relax. If felt as if I was on Speed! Of course of all the days I could relax I had no one to bother me... Boys were gone, Mitch was at work and my mother had the house under control and I COULD NOT sleep because of that stupid shot! Shortly after I had to resort to a sleeping pill just to knock the edge off!

So my sweet mother decided to put Maya down for a nap. I told her despite all of her sickness and health problems she is doing more for me than I could do for her and I truly appreciate it. My mommy is the best! I love her with all my heart! What would I do without her!

Side Note: I can not even believe I have to go through 4 more of these!terrible treatments! Can I do it? I'm so ready to talk about something besides me! So maybe my next blog will be different depending on the event! Love to you all! I think of you guys everyday!

HAIR OFFICIALLY GONE, 2ND TREATMENT WAS A GO!

Me getting Chemo today... I'm smiling because I don't want to cry!

See the red stuff going in my IV? This is the potent poison~ So I just had to have a little Diet Dr. Pepper to ease the stress! The nurse is ready to give me the2nd dose of this! Terrible stuff!

Took the rest of my hair!

WELL THE REALITY IS THE HAIR IS GONE.... I FEEL LIKE AN ALIEN! AS I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING THAT IS THE HARDEST PART FOR ME.... TAKING OFF MY BEE NE AND SEEING A COMPLETELY BALED HEAD IS JUST WEIRD FOR ME. I KEEP THINKING I WILL GET USE TO THIS BUT IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET... SO HERE I AM THE TRUE ME WITH CHEMO DOING IT'S THING AND LEAVING ME WITH A REMINDER EVERYDAY. I HAD MY BROTHER "BIC" IT BECAUSE HAIR WAS ALL OVER AND IT IS NOT VERY PRETTY TO SEE IT ON MY CLOTHES & PILLOW.... SO THIS IS REALITY... HOPE IT IS NOT TO HARSH TO SEE BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.....

Last weeks surgery went well. I believe I'm on the road to recovery with the expander still in place and my skin hopefully adjusting to it! I had 1 extra week to get stronger and I believe that did the trick! I began to feel a lot like myself and I knew then that was only for a few more extra days so...

2ND TREATMENT JUST FINISHED UP TODAY AROUND 2PM 5 HOURS TO COMPLETE THE ENTIRE TREATMENT... MITCH 1ST CAME WITH ME SAT AND READ ME A MAGAZINE ON FITNESS & EXERCISE THAT I SOOO MISS. ITS FUNNY WHAT THINGS YOU CRAVE WHEN YOU CAN'T DO THEM... THEN AN HOUR LATER ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS CAME AND SAT BESIDE ME THE ENTIRE TIME TIL TREATMENT WAS COMPLETED. SHE TOOK ME TO LUNCH (I ACTUALLY WANTED TO EAT!) I TALKED TO HER AS IF NOTHING WAS WRONG JUST HAVING LUNCH WITH MY GIRL! WHAT A MOMENT IT WAS.... I AM SO LUCKY THAT TODAY AT LEAST I'M STRONG, FEEL LIKE EATING AND HAD A NORMAL CONVERSATION WITH MY FRIEND... WHAT A SIMPLE BLESSING THAT IS... I'M TRYING TO EMBRACE EACH DAY EVEN WHEN I DO NOT FEEL LIKE PUTTING UP WITH THE CHILDREN OR EVEN TRY TO ATTEMPT CLEANING A ROOM.... THESE THINGS ARE REALITY AND I NEED TO REMEMBER THAT AT LEAST THE LORD IS GIVING ME THE STRENGTH TO DO THE BASICS!

SO AS I WAS IN THE CHEMO ROOM TODAY I LOOKED AROUND AT ALL THE OTHER PATIENTS THAT ARE RECEIVING TREATMENT FOR SOME KIND OF CANCER BATTLE. I SAID TO MY SELF...."THIS IS THE REAL WORLD" PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING" I'M NO DIFFERENT... DOES IT MAKE IT EASIER? NO. BUT IT SURE PUTS THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE!~

SO MY GOAL THIS YEAR IS TO:

LAUGH MORE

HUG MY CHILDREN MORE

NOT TO COMPLAIN THAT THINGS ARE NOT GETTING DONE FAST ENOUGH

APPRECIATE THAT I HAVE A HOME AND A HUSBAND THAT PROVIDES FOR US

TELL MY BROTHERS, SISTER, MOM & DAD THAT I APPRECIATE THEM MORE OFTEN

ENJOY ARIZONA SUNSHINE

BE THANKFUL FOR LIFE EVERYDAY

I'm writing these thoughts down so I can look back at them and use this as a reminder for myself!

During treatment today my nurse said I'm getting THE MOST POWERFUL REGIMENTS someone can get... I just said "I know I always have to do things the most intense ways" Thinking back 7 years ago TODAY I gave birth to Ethen, Just to have him was 8 years of hard work~ Surgeries, Several Failed IVF's, miscarriages one after another and then finally it worked~! So for me I feel we just don't have ONE obstacle in life there are many and this is just a few for me! So as I lay in bed today I think about many good things that have happened and know that even though this Challenge for me is TERRIBLE I'm no different than anyone else!