Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I had a friends come visit me!

Mitch, Me, Luis & Blair

This is one of my childhood friends. Mitch and I were able to talk him into moving to Arizona years ago and finish college. Blair stayed with Mitch and I in our home in Mesa. We enjoyed every minute with him and appreciate his friendship very much. After Blair finished college he found himself back in the Maryland / D.C. area. For years now Mitch and I have kept in touch with him and ever since my diagnosis with cancer he expressed such concern for me and said "I'm going to come see you! "Well he did... Last Sunday my friends Blair and Luis flew out from D.C. to see me! Just me! They are so kind and sure lifted me up! It made my sick day not seem so bad after their visit! Thanks guys for coming to visit me it sure lifted me up!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

4th Round Done!

Even though the 4th round is done... I have several days until I'll feel a little normal! It is hard because all I want to do is hide and lay in my bed but at the same time that gets old too! I don't have much to complain about because I'm not that sick. When I get the shot on Monday for my blood counts to stay high that is when I feel the worst in my opinion. I couldn't figure out why I look so different beside the weight gain from chemo & steroids but realized my eye lashes are gone! Eye brows are thinning too. What a difference it makes to have some eye lashes. Never appreciated them like I do now! Any ways I 'm so lucky to have Mitch take me to every doctor's appointment and have my friend Erica bring me home. In the back of me you can see her... this is a true friend that helps me every step of the way... So friends far away know I'm being taken care of. Also those friends who always check on me weekly THANK YOU this means a lot to me! Love you all...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I Can Do This! (i think!) 4th Round is waiting for me.

Actually I can not sleep tonight knowing what tomorrow will bring. I know I will go through the motions and just keep pushing...I believe this is my trial in life and I'm learning so much from this experience. But sometimes I need a little pick me up! So I decided to write these words that I'm feeling.... Risk, Dream, Dare, BELIEVE, Try, Listen closely, HOPE... That's what gets us through tough times with anything in life! and Life is tough!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Will LIFE Ever Be The Same?

I have to say that on a daily basis I think of me getting cancer and wonder how it happened and if I am Strong enough to keep going... I know that without my family and friends I would have a completely different view and attitude about this cancer stuff and might not be so positive!

I will say there are many days of feeling so stressed I can not think. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if life could just be NORMAL again. I wish I could just go and do and be free like I used to be. Go exercise without pain, go shopping without becoming fatigued... Now my life revolves around doctor's visits to expand my breast which is so painful I almost begin to hurt even before I get into the room (and I have a HIGH Tolerance for pain) and terrible chemo days "non processing days and "tired days". Someday I want to get to where I'm not so dependant on everyone. I am amazed at the way people in my life take my children into their home and treat them as if they are their own! This is not the norm in "real" life... People do not always shown this much kindness and love. I have such a unique situation. My family and friends(Near and Far) are always lifting me up in letters, phone calls, emails and text messages that I often re read the messages just to lift my spirits. So as I'm dealing with the reality of Life I know it will go back to normal but I just don't think it Will Ever Be The Same! How can it? To much happiness and sadness at the same time has come into it.... A memory never to be forgotten.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


Drake is smiling the whole time he is playing! Just too cute!

Saturday was the boys 1st soccer game of the season... I was not able to go because I didn't have much energy but I was able to get them ready and take some pictures my friend's son was on the other team so she also took pictures of Drake playing in the game... This is Drake's first time playing and would you believe he was the star of the team! Mitch said he got knocked down by some bigger players and just got right up and finished playing... Of course I have to brag and say He Did Score!
This is Ethen's 5th season and he is a pro! He was able to tie the game with a goal! I'm so proud of those boys... They have been so strong with me being so sick. Drake was not upset one bit that I did not go... He just understands.
I love my boys! Even though I can not give them 100% attention I do adore them... This is what I have come to realize...

When chemo is in my body It's hard to even give them a hug... Everything gets to me. Noise is taken to another level and my energy is drained. I don't even want to say "hey guys lets go to McDonald's!" I just don't have it in me. I know I'll get it back but when I'm in the "moment" I just have no desire to be around them.... Please kids understand it's just not me! I'll be back soon! I sound ungrateful I know but it is just hard to explain. So thanks for letting me vent!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

It's A Beautiful Day!

This was a harsh week for me and I saw no end in site! I kept trying to see a light at the end but felt so incredibly sick and nothing seemed Beautiful! Today I was in bed and trying to take a nap. I couldn't fall asleep and just kept thinking I should go outside! I went out back the kids followed me and then Mitch! I tried to take in the amazing cool air and sunshine!
(despite the kids asking me to do something for them every 2 minutes) I enjoyed being outside... I feel I'm beginning to look sicker.... No matter what people say I see it! When your sick and you feel like dying no positive reinforcement helps but it WAS A Beautiful Day.... Today....