Whats it like to have a your breast removed...

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2008

MET WITH RECONSTRUCTION SURGEON TODAY

Don't be offended with these pictures... I know it is personal but this is a good way for me to document my progress to recovery.
Here is where the lymph nodes were take from... Man it hurts! I can not lift a thing. When I do it feels like I have tingles run though out my arm and then a huge burning sensation. As you can see even with the ace bandage I am officially with 1 boob! Mixed feelings about this! On one hand I needed it gone so that I'd be cancer free and on the other hand It's sad to know my body will never be the same. No matter what kind of reconstruction is done it will never be the same... It will always be a reminder that I HAD CANCER!!! I need to get over this pity party... I'm really having a hard time today... Time to take the Valium....

This is a picture of a drain being removed. It's out! Yea! No more caring around 3 tubes pined to you with blood dripping into.. Really could turn you stomach.

I had 3 drains placed where the breast was removed. This way the excess fluid would drain out instead of absorbing in the boobless tissue and body... I can not explain how weird it felt when the drains were taken out. It felt like a long worm being pulled out of my body!

So today I've laid in bed a lot because I feel like I've been hit by a truck. So I need to stay away from my children because they do not understand and want me to hold them... I just cant. I'm so sad.. But I think to my self...."what would it be like it I could never hold them again?" This just makes me want to get this crap over with! So in a few weeks I will start having my breast tissue expaned, make plans for chemo and begin what I truly did not think would happen....Chemo!(I just grew my hair out too!) So I will just have to donate it.....

What did Chemo do to me?

By my 2nd treatment of chemo I really starting feeling the effects.  Back then I had written down what the 2nd treatment did to me and how I felt about myself.  Chemo not only physically makes you sick but mentally you start to break away from the real world and go into your very own!   I now realize that all these effects were very common with those going through Breast Cancer treatment.  At that time I just thought it was just me!

Below are my thoughts.

1/2009 This week I haven't felt all that bad... I was Eating, Sleeping and Taking Kids To School! But I have to say my spirits are low... I keep telling myself that this is totally normal!   How can someone with Cancer and going through Chemo  always be in good spirits and feel normal?   Here is my wish list 

I wish that sometimes...

1. People did not look at me funny!

2. That I could touch my head in the shower... When I wash my head I do it very quickly because it still feels weird to me!

3. I could taste flavorful food.

4. I did not have sleeping problems.

5. I did not gain weight! I thought for sure I'd loose but the steroid makes me retain water and want FATING FOOD!

6. I could get up in the morning feeling like I want to face the children.

7. I could stand Noise.

8. I could concentrate

9. I could get use to the WIG

How I was Diagnosed

diagnosed 

This is what I blogged about the 1st time I kinda knew something wasn't right...5 years ago. Here are my thoughts then...This was the beginning of my story

I mentioned to my doctor that I felt a little tenderness in one breast everytime I went for a run and wore a sports bra.. He said it was probably fibrocystic and if I wanted I could have mamo... I'm only 37 what do I have to loose? Heck! my insurance pays for ONE Baseline Mamo before age 40 so why not? I HAD NO LUMPS, BUMPS, Nothing, etc,,,etc,,,

• Well a few weeks later I decided to go do it and thought nothing of it. 1 week later I got the call they found microcalfications (speckles all over the breast) which looked highly malignant. What? Microcalfications! Malignant! Many people say microcalifications are nothing to worry about so I didn't.

• Another week later I met with a surgeon and before I knew it I had a scheduled sterotaticbiopsy. STAT!

• Results: Cancer, some contained and some not! Which means it has spread and I will have to have surgery and possible treatment.

Again I can not believe this... I guess you could say I'm some what in denial but I guess this is how I can keep a positive attitude since my life will be on hold for a while. Mixed feelings flowing threw my mind.. My children, My Husband, what in the world!!!! Life can be so challenging. Never Ending...