S.C.A.R.S.

before

Today I hopefully had my last and final surgery. This one was to correct the tightness and immobility I have on my back and under my arm. Not to mention the ugly long scar that didn't heal well. I have about 6 SCARS due to several surgeries to remove the cancer and put me back together. I'm in some serious pain tonight. I thought this surgery was no biggie but it hurts

P R E T T Y bad. No worries, I'll be back on my feet soon. (I have to I have 3 kids banging on my door asking me when I'm going get up!)

I have some real issues with all theses SCARS. I won't dwell on them very much but I have to say when a person gets cancer it sure has a lot of baggage that comes with it. Not only mentally but physically. These SCARS are ugly, they do not heal well (due to radiation and immune system) and they are a constant reminder of what you had. I really dislike these SCARS but in a way it has saved my life and allowed me to be symmetrical :)so I guess they are somewhat PrEtTy????

Thank you all for your support,

love,

encouragement,

I really would not be here without you

Love to you

E

QuIcK OveRvIEw OF HoLiDAy HaPPiNgS

From November to Now our family has been super busy with Family and Friends. On Christmas Eve my sister and her family got together with us and we had a Fabulous time! The kids were magical! They watched the Santa Tracker on the internet all night. We played games and Ate way to much!

My mother gave all the grandchildren PJ's and here is Maya posing for the picture in hers!

A picture of the tree in our Great room before presents were open.

We made a Gingerbread house and it turned out pretty good.

I made lots of cookies tied them up and delivered them all in one day! So proud of myself to have my CrAzY energy again.

Drake and Logan (my niece) at their schools Jingle Jog. Very cute idea the school does every year.

Okay... This is Ethen (my all star MVP football player) singing in the school Christmas choir. He was a little hesitant to participate but we told him this makes him a very well rounded person to be able to to do several things at his age!

Drake came home from school with a Red Nose but quickly wiped it off!

At Thanksgiving my brother Justin came down with his family from Boise, ID. We took a trip up past Flagstaff (in the snow) to the Polar Express Train Ride. Kids had a great time.

Our whole family came and it was lots of fun. Great memories. Trying to appreciate these times more... Love you Family~

How Did I Do It?????

Last week I had to meet with my Oncologist. Not a stressful appointment just a check up and to schedule another PET Scan in a month. I can't believe 6 months has almost gone by and I'm due for another one. (Oh insurance don't give me issues!)

I will put that stress aside for another month or so.

However, When I was there I walked by the Oxygen Therapy Office that I used to go to 5 days a week for 6 weeks and started thinking How in the World did I have the will to go into that place for so long!? It's just amazing how when you need to survive and continue to live you will do what you have to do. Today, I feel like their is no way I could relive that experience but I know you do what you have to do when your in that situation.

Overall my health is good. I have another surgery scheduled this month. Fun Fun!! Hoping this is it.... No more under the knife... Cancer sure does cause so many issues doesn't it?

I'll keep you posted.

Love to everyone who loves me!

He is Six~

I know Ive said this before but this little guy is a pure miracle. I was able to witness his conception through IVF. I saw a little white dot slowly float into my uterine wall and I knew he would come. Only through the power of prayers. I sure believe in the power of prayer. I wouldn't be here to witness his sixth birthday with out them....

2 Whole Years!

I've been thinking a lot about the day I was told I had a HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS TUMOR. I remember thinking not me. I'll just go in and have another (painful) sterotatic biopsy and it will be negative. No Worries... I'm fine... Days later the results were not what I thought and I will never forget the surgeons words.

"Your Life Will Be Put On Hold For A While"

My life has been put on hold and it will never be the same for many reasons. Good and Bad.

I consider myself cancer free for 2 years now. Not from the time I finished Chemo but from the time my breast was removed and the cancer was dug out like a pumpkin! I'm very confident that I beat this cancer thing but I'm also realistic and know that their is always a possibility of it reoccurring. It's been a long road. Hopefully only one more surgery to go and I should be done. Long hold dont you think?

The funny thing is ~I still cant believe it happened.

Our Halloween with the Fam...

This is me, Cole my nephew (Vampire) Ethen (Werewolf).

Maya the Black kitty cat and Grant my nephew the Dinosaur

Here is my little Drake the Ninja with Cole

Logan my niece and Maya the kitty...

We hung out with my brother Matt and his family this year for Halloween. We had a great time. They are in there new home so the kids were so excited to scope out the new neighborhood and get as much candy as they could. It worked. In my years of Trick or Treating never did I get as much candy as these kids did. Maya and my Nephew Grant got HUGE Giant Size Hersey Bars! Is that normal? Couldn't believe it~! Great times, Its so nice to feel healthy and have the energy to keep up with these kiddos! Loved being with them this year... Great Times.

10-10-10 Race for the Cure

This year I decided to do the Race with my sister. My family came along for support. It was a blast. I was a little emotional (on a personal note) because 2 years ago I was told I had Breast Cancer and I never thought this Journey would bring me to where I am today.

Seriously can you believe I did a 5K? What an amazing feeling it was.

My sister and I before the Race (Thanks Leslie for getting up so early to do this)

While I was running these cheerleaders asked if they could get a picture with Maya Girl. Too Cute! They loved her! Who wouldn't?

Here is my Guy...

Mitch and I both agree this was a Bitter Sweet Experience. Last year Mitch could not walk from a serious leg injury and I was about to begin my painful reconstruction surgeries and had just finished Radiation/Burn therapy. Memories I don't want to relive BUT at the same time a life learning experience

I am A survivor! Feels good to say that...
(Drake in the corner of the pic)

Mitch my Co-Survivor....I just don't think people realize what the co -SURVIVOR GOES THROUGH.

Mitch is a man of few words but I know this broke him to the core. He is a stronger individual for having this challenge but it will never take away the hurt he had for me.

I love you all

I Love your support

I Love how much you care
PeAcE~

HE WILL PLAY IN PINK

THIS IS MY 1ST BORN... Ethen. He remembers the most out of all my children what I went through. He also understands what all this pink represents this month. Everywhere we go if we see pink items he always says "mom you should buy that".

Ethen is on a football team that supports the cause too! I was so happy. He even got pink socks and a pink ribbon sticker to put on his helmet. He was so proud of that.

Ethen had just been tackled so hard it knocked the wind out of him...

This is one tough kid! In AZ they start practices in Aug when its 110 degrees (dry heat) but it's still heat~ Goes everyday for 2 weeks and then MWF for 2 hours. He seriously is a natural! Really... football is his love, he plays hard and gets hit hard! I'm proud of him!

Natural athlete~

F A C T

EVERY 69 SECONDS in this world A WOMEN DIES OF THIS TERRIBLE DISEASE CALLED BREAST CANCER.


Thank you Lord for sparing my life



Thank you to those who work so hard to find a cure and to raise awareness



Next week is the Susan G. Komen for the cure...



I'm going to be there... 10/10/10

THIS TIME LAST YEAR

1. I had very little hair. (but it was coming in)

2. My chest was caved in with lots of reconstruction surgery ahead of me (didn't think it would even be possible)

3. Had just finished the awful Hyperbarric Therapy which I do not know how I stayed in the tube for 3 hours (lets just say... I saw just about every CSI show there was while in that darn capsule)

4. Depression was lifting (not 100% but I was getting better)

5. Was just trying to heal mentally.

I wish I could say that I feel like it is all behind me, but cancer is still in my thoughts every single day. It just doesn't really go away. I think it's because of the daily medication I have to take and the pain of reconstruction major armpit numbness, and limited range of motion in my arm.
Lovely~

But I also have my life.

I'm a grateful person. Really, I am. In fact, I can’t even put into words how very thankful I am for the breast cancer treatments that have kept me alive.

So thank you doctors who made the treatment decisions/reconstruction surgeries to treat me and keep me alive and now looking healthy and strong.

Love to you all

BabyEinstien's author wrote a cancer book!

Julie Aigner Clark best known as the mom who launched the wildly-popular Baby Einstein dvd's and books.

I had just about every DVD in my house during those early years with kids. “You Are the Best Medicine.” is the newest addition.

Julie (a two-time breast cancer survivor) wrote the book. WOW! what a treasure for parents with cancer who want to explain the disease to their young kids in the most delicate and gentle manner.

I look back now and wonder...how did I explain my stage 3 cancer to my 6,4 and 1 year old? It was difficult and I know Drake was confused many times. Maya only knew me with out hair and Ethen tried to be the one who understood it all but I know inside was always concerned. I think this book is a great way to explain to children what a person is about to go through. I sure had no clue what I was in for.

All I do know is Life gets better... Even though this experience never leaves me...

A Pet Scan Approved By My Insurance!

When I was 1st diagnosed with Cancer the first concern for the doctors was to get the cancer out! When I meet with my original Oncologist he ordered a Pet Scan. I had no problem with insurance approval. I remember it being sort of a long test but at that time I was so out of it I was just going through the motions. After my chemo was completed my oncologist ordered another Pet Scan and at that point because I was in the "clear" of being cancer free (from the mastectomy & chemo) I was denied. I excepted that and had every other test comparable to the Pet Scan I could. ex. Bone Scan, Muga Scan, CT Scan, MRI, Ultrasound. Now does that make sense? They wont pay for a Pet Scan which is the King of all Cancer tests but I can take 5 other test which probably cost the same if not more! Just outrageous!

After I switched oncologist she fought for me to have this test and didn't give up. I was able to have this test last week and results= CLEAR! things look good all over! fluid build up in the breast area but is believed to be from all the surgeries. We hope to redo this test and compare in 3 months. So for now its all good. What a relief.

The testing room I went into had this sign on the door and I was not allowed to talk during the time this radioactive stuff was injected into my body. So I text a little and read a little... "Eat Pray Love" and by then 1 hour was up and I went into the room for the scan.



So glad I'm not claustrophobic. Such a small hole I stayed in for a lengthy time!

And it was over ... So happy it was done... I'm healing doing well with recovery and trying to enjoy everyday. I haven't had this much peace in a long time. No thoughts about doctors, surgery, lab work etc. Just me time...

A REAL ANGEL FROM HEAVEN...

Today has been one of the better days of recovery. This surgery set me back a little. I cant seem to understand why except maybe my ribs were involved this time and I was extremely sore because of the added nips and tucks!



Maya begged me to take her swimming. I did not want to at all. I just looked at her and could not say no. So many times before I had to let my time with her go because of no will power/motivation/energy etc... We sat in the pool just the two of us and talked about bugs, sang songs and blew bubbles. After a while I found myself just staring at her and an overwhelming feeling came over me. She was my Angel sent from Heaven. Oh how I love her....

9th surgery done! but boy it sure does hurt!

See I'm already complaining this one really has put me a little under. Over all I'm fine just very tender to the touch and sore all over.

Dr. Boll is amazing though (my reconstruction surgeon) She has been able to transform something that was destroyed by radiation and infection to something that looks somewhat normal. The reason I'm in so much pain is because she had to sew my implant into my rib cage. I knew that when I woke up this time from surgery it hurt 10XS worse.



(side note: I had been feeling the previous implant shift at times when caring Maya or exercising I just thought that it was normal. It always felt so weird. Did not like the feeling of it at all)



So when Dr. Boll began the surgery she saw when I was laying down the implant moved from side to side and it just didn't stay in place. She says that the implant seems to shift do to damaged radiated tissue. So she sure fixed that one.... Sewing it into my rib cage!



What miracles can be created by such intelligent caring doctors. I'm blessed, I'm blessed, I'm blessed.

I'm going to complain...Then put it in perspective

I have to admit I do complain a lot about this surgery stuff as well as taking a daily dose of tamoxifen. The surgery seems to be endless yet necessary for me to feel physically normal again... Simple things like putting deodorant under my arm might eventually feel less sore without so much skin bulked underneath...Filling out my bra so that one breast isn't bigger than the other... Plus this tamoxifen has crazy side effects! I now can say I suffer from memory loss and forgetfulness (along with other things)! Not only do I stress out about it but it is a terrible reminder that I had cancer.

So last week I was on my way to see my oncologist. All these things mentioned were on my mind and I had a little attitude! I was sitting in the waiting room just mad I had to be there. As I got called back to the room I saw a board with lots of pictures on it. I said to the nurse "oh are these all the Dr's patients?" She said "yes but lots of them have passed on". Within seconds my attitude instantly changed. I drove home very humbled and emotional. I get to have a choice to have additional surgeries so I can feel and look normal again. I get to have a choice to take tamoxifen to help add years to my life without the chance of cancer coming back. The people who have passed on might not have. With all that said, I know that I'm still here for a reason and I need to keep that in perspective.

FOURTH OF JULY IN SAN DIEGO

One of our traditions for the past 16 years or so have been to be in San Diego for the 4th. Because I was just to sick last year we didn't make it. This year we decided somehow we would get to the place I love so much! S A N D I E G O....

We walked from our hotel to the pier at Seaport Village. We made it just in time for the amazing display of fireworks.

Maya wasnt a bit scared of the loud noise. She enjoyed hereself so much

What a difference a year makes... I've said it before but seriously mean it,,, Look at us now!

One of my favorite places to go is Old Town San Diego They have lots of places to eat and the best Mexican food ever! The children went into the Candy Kitchen and were speechless! I told them they could get whatever they wanted... Ethen carefully chose each piece, Drake took whatever he could get his hands on and Maya put 2 little pieces in her bag and said she was done~

We headed to Legoland for a day trip with the kids. Overcast skys and for me it was dreamy weather... We loved each moment there with the kids. They were in Heaven.

Maya with Princess Lilly

Lego land has some great hands on activities with billions on Lego's. This is a shot of Drake and Ethen building their Lego cars and racing them against other kids and getting to rebuild until they win!

TONS OF FUN...MAKING UP FOR LOST TIMES...ANOTHER GREAT MEMORY