2nd Visit to the Reconstruction Surgeon...

I took this picture from my friend Erica.... We spent Halloween night together but what I wanted to say about this picture is 3 out of the 4 of us in this picture has been diagnosed with breast cancer within this last year 2008. The left is Amy who has just finished treatment and will begin reconstruction..then Erica she's an amazing rock that seriously keeps us going... She had to stay healthy so we could all depend on her! Then me! Then Charlene who just finished her treatment as well and will finish her reconstruction in the next month or too... I include this because I want everyone who reads this to get a Mammogram! 1 in 7 women are diagnosed with breast cancer #1 cause of death in women exceeded by lung cancer...

On another note...Today I met with Dr. Boll (Reconstruction doctor).. We went over what will take place and talked about how this will all go down....She will draw on me the day before surgery to specifically mark where the incisions will go. This is kinda like a cookie cutter out line for the general surgeon who will be removing my breast and getting the cancer out! When the cancer is removed and lymph nodes tested Dr. Boll will begin to start stretching the skin with an expander that will be filled up with saline... The expander will go behind the Peck muscle that will be a little painful .ouch! However as I go into this... I pray everyday that I can be happy and have a good attitude... I sooo want to be negative at times.. Why? Why? Why? What could have possibly caused me to get CANCER? Was it all the fertility drugs I put into my body for years to have my babies? Was it my lack of breast feeding for long periods of time? Seriously I have really wondered these bizarre things...

So anyways .....I'm not sure how long I will be in the hospital... but part of me sure wants to be their as long as I can so I don't have to deal with "reality" when I get home. The other part of me has to keep reminding myself that this is not at all like having a baby where I go into the hospital... have my c-section... and bring home my little miracle.

I then started to think... Well I am coming home after surgery with somewhat of a miracle.

#1. I'll be cancer free! (with possible just treatment to follow) (that's a miracle!)

#2. I'll have doctors that can begin to fix my deformed breast (that's a miracle!)

#3. I'll have the possibility (depending on my skin) to have it stretched as far as it will go the day of the surgery to make me have somewhat of a boob! (that's a miracle!)

These are all miracle's! Right? So with my thoughts of knowing this is not at all like "having a baby" I'll try my best to make it somewhat of a happy day when I arrive at the hospital to have my breast removed! Weird thoughts I know... This is just what runs in my mind when I'm thinking. My sadness somewhat subsides after I turn my weird thoughts around to somewhat of a positive comparison.... So boobless boob here I come!