1 Week Before Surgery... I Had A MRI....

Today, I had a MRI. This was recommended by my surgeon to check the other breast to make sure their was nothing suspicious that would need to be taken care of while in surgery removing the right breast... I went in thinking nothing of it... It was not at all painful but brutal in having to lay on my belly with both breast hanging in holes and not moving at all for 60 minutes! If I did move the procedure would have to start all over... I was not going to let that happen..So I left my arms in one position until they went numb... The room was so cold I felt like I was in the freezer at Costco! It went well. The tech said that I was excellent at not moving... That's a first seeing that I'm usually ADD and go from one thing to the next in my everyday life... So now that this is over I just have to wait...Til the morning of the 19Th @ 5:30 am... oh so sad.... As I laid in the MRI machine I had lots of time to think (even with the loud noise that this machine makes) and again it was almost like an outer body experience laying there having my breast scanned for cancer and thinking "this is not at all what I had planned!" But do we pick our plans in life? I seem to think we do... but while in the moment we might think... "that is not my plan!" "that's someone else's plan!" Then maybe later we look back and say "Oh! now I see why that happended to me" . Anyway at least I had some alone time even if it was in the MRI machine... WARNING>>>The picture of me is the worst I could really have ever taken but wanted to "capture the "moment" and remember all my steps leading up to "the day". So I snapped a pic with my phone...

Another note: For my friends and family far away or even near by... I want you to know that I am going to be well taken care of.. My church sent around a sign up sheet for dinners, child care, etc. and would you believe that it was filled up before the rest of the ladies could even put their names on to help? What amazing people their are in the world... Willing to help others in need... Isn't this what it is all about? Stepping out of our little world to give to others?

I love you all!

Safari Birthday Party for Drake & A Beauitful Arizona Night with Friends & Family...

My sister Leslie & her husband Nick are enjoying the bon fire. We had just a great time with them and their children... Little Cole and Darling Grant....Maya just can't get enough of them!

We started off the night with all the boys celebrating Drake's 4th Birthday. Mitch & I decided to have it a bit early because of my surgery date which is 2 days before his birthday so we celebrated tonight with family and wonderful friends... We usually have a huge party for my children but this year we made it a bit smaller with everything going on.... Time was an essence so these are who Drake wanted to invite and so we did... The boys have Safari Animal Face Masks on.. sweet little boys that they are.... I love all of them!

Here are some of my favorite people! Front row: Me, Erica my saving grace! She constantly checks on me to see how I am... She sure helps me vent when I need to! No words can describe Erica.....True Friend. Melissa my amazing friend who have taken such good care of my children! I could not have done what I have done so far without her. My children love her!2nd Row: My sister Leslie who is the best sister anyone would want to have! Everyone should have a sister like me! She is my kids 2nd mother! They love her and she loves them just like her own... She is one reason I know I can get through this Cancer Stuff because she will be their for my kids! Krista I've known for a long time... Mitch & I just love her family... When I told her about my cancer her eyes filled with tears and I knew her heart was aching for me...She was one of the 1st to know about me...the very 1st thing she said to me is "what can we do?"Boy was she reassuring....

Drake blowing out 4 candles! He is the funniest kid!

Here is Mitch & I enjoying our Friends & Family around the Bon Fire in our backyard. Boy do I love him... He is my life! A wonderful night to remember....

2nd Visit to the Reconstruction Surgeon...

I took this picture from my friend Erica.... We spent Halloween night together but what I wanted to say about this picture is 3 out of the 4 of us in this picture has been diagnosed with breast cancer within this last year 2008. The left is Amy who has just finished treatment and will begin reconstruction..then Erica she's an amazing rock that seriously keeps us going... She had to stay healthy so we could all depend on her! Then me! Then Charlene who just finished her treatment as well and will finish her reconstruction in the next month or too... I include this because I want everyone who reads this to get a Mammogram! 1 in 7 women are diagnosed with breast cancer #1 cause of death in women exceeded by lung cancer...

On another note...Today I met with Dr. Boll (Reconstruction doctor).. We went over what will take place and talked about how this will all go down....She will draw on me the day before surgery to specifically mark where the incisions will go. This is kinda like a cookie cutter out line for the general surgeon who will be removing my breast and getting the cancer out! When the cancer is removed and lymph nodes tested Dr. Boll will begin to start stretching the skin with an expander that will be filled up with saline... The expander will go behind the Peck muscle that will be a little painful .ouch! However as I go into this... I pray everyday that I can be happy and have a good attitude... I sooo want to be negative at times.. Why? Why? Why? What could have possibly caused me to get CANCER? Was it all the fertility drugs I put into my body for years to have my babies? Was it my lack of breast feeding for long periods of time? Seriously I have really wondered these bizarre things...

So anyways .....I'm not sure how long I will be in the hospital... but part of me sure wants to be their as long as I can so I don't have to deal with "reality" when I get home. The other part of me has to keep reminding myself that this is not at all like having a baby where I go into the hospital... have my c-section... and bring home my little miracle.

I then started to think... Well I am coming home after surgery with somewhat of a miracle.

#1. I'll be cancer free! (with possible just treatment to follow) (that's a miracle!)

#2. I'll have doctors that can begin to fix my deformed breast (that's a miracle!)

#3. I'll have the possibility (depending on my skin) to have it stretched as far as it will go the day of the surgery to make me have somewhat of a boob! (that's a miracle!)

These are all miracle's! Right? So with my thoughts of knowing this is not at all like "having a baby" I'll try my best to make it somewhat of a happy day when I arrive at the hospital to have my breast removed! Weird thoughts I know... This is just what runs in my mind when I'm thinking. My sadness somewhat subsides after I turn my weird thoughts around to somewhat of a positive comparison.... So boobless boob here I come!

Clone Wars Trooper, Narnda & Little Butterfly~~~~~

Ethen Clone Wars Trooper waiting out front for us to hurry and get treating!

My brothers little mermaid Logan

Drake & Maya taking a rest!

Ethen, Maya & Drake waiting to go get the treats!

Maya the Butterfly!

Pictures of Maya do not even begin to show how darling she really was....

Had a fun night with the Kids.... They got way to much candy... I should know I keep eating it! We 1st went to our church to "trunk & treat & spent time with some friends then headed over to my sisters to finish up the night... We enjoyed the children so much ... Maya knew just what to do with her candy bucket. She would wait for someone to drop candy into it then quickly hand me a piece so I could open it up for her. She then would take a few bites and drop it on the floor... she did this all night long. What a memory! The kids just love being with their cousins! (Til 11:45 pm)

The Dreadful Date Is Set! But I Got To Keep Going!

Novemeber 19th I will begin "My Journey" with having my mastectomy and the beginning of reconstruction...This is how the surgery will begin: (I write this not to be so detailed to my readers however, I find this is helpful for me to retain the information given to me and also have something to look back on when I help others in the future)

5:30 am arrival at Banner Gateway Hospital a team of 5 surgeons! (I'm in good hands!)

1. Surgeon Removes the cancer (I'm then somewhat cancer free!)

2. Sentinel Biopsy (remove lymph nodes)

3. Have Pathologist check for cancer in nodes. If cancer... Then surgeons remover 20 more!

4. Reconstruction surgeon comes in... Begins to put my breast back! (somewhat) Drains will be placed in breast and arm (where lymph nodes where taken)

5. Cancer sent to pathologist and treatment plan will be given approx 1 week after surgery.

I pray and am hopeful for a kind of "miracle" that my cancer is contained as much as possible so that my treatment might not be as bad as I'm thinking... I'm not complaining.. Because I know that others have had it a lot worse then me...I'm so thankful that I followed my instinct and was in tuned to my body and knew that "something" did not feel right to me... I'm so thankful for family and friends... I would not have this kind of outlook without them....

So as I write about my experiences I journal this to release some of my feelings which are at times very sad for me. I just have to keep going because of my family and children... Sometimes I wonder why me? Why another challenge in my life? I thought trying to have children for so many years, was my biggest obstacle. This just goes to show life is not just one challenge for each of us it is FULL of MANY challenges which we will have til the end of our life here on earth... Does that make it easier? No not one bit but for me this is how I will get through today and tomorrow... and the next day... and the next!

The Shopping is Done... I picked out my Surgeon!

Making a decision which surgeon to choose really has messed with my head! It is funny how things work out.. My head is clear (for now) I met with the team of Plastic Surgeons today to discuss my options. This wonderful doctor feels that I can begin the 1st stage of reconstruction the day of the mastectomy. So here is the "order of operation (s)" ...

1. Breast Surgeon: Mastectomy take away the entire breast 3 hours long...

2. Reconstruction Surgeon: Start building me a new one! 2 hours long... This will be part 1 of 4 surgeries... This way I can eliminate another surgery with getting it started ASAP!

**What I have learned is some surgeons do not like to have you "reconstructed" the same day but for me and knowing the time this will take I found a surgeon that is willing to work with me and get a jump start on this! The other Surgeon wanted me to wait for a while then begin reconstruction which would be a very long process...that did not feel right for me but I was willing to do it...

So surgery date will be given to me soon. The reason for the delay is getting my team of surgeons together at the same hospital.

After this we will know what kind of treatment I will need....

I have a link for those interested: My best Friend who lives in Tennessee shared this with me... Her friend just finished treatment last month and is giving her story. This article is unique because all the women sharing their story are YOUNG!!!!! 20's-30's Please Girls Have a Mamo! http://memphiswomanonline.com/Home.html

Had 2nd Opinion...

I went to see a 2ND surgeon today. For some reason I knew I needed to do this. But maybe subconsciously I thought I'd get some totally different diagnosis and be able to really start dealing with this.

Well the doctor was very nice... Great bed side manner.... and he remembered my sweet friend who he had as a patient 1 year ago with the same thing BREAST CANCER... So I thought that was a good thing... However, his "plan of attack" (as Erica would say) is really no different from the 1st surgeon's opinion... So my next step is to see his team of Plastic Surgeons this week and then I believe I will know which doctor to choose. This is somewhat like shopping for shoes! But really not at all fun...

I look to see the surgery be possibly the 2ND or 3rd week of November or maybe sooner.

I just have to say that the ride (as I describe it) is very crazy... I have not even really cried except for the other day. (I was by myself. ) As I was walking to the car I started to cry uncontrollably... I could not stop.. Then I gathered my composure got in the car and drove off as if nothing happened... So this is maybe how I will deal with this challenge in my life... Some emotions at times and the rest denial.


Again, I have an amazing support group... I need to list everyone because when this challenge is behind me I want to remember everyone of you who has prayed for me...called me... emailed me...brought me dinner....watched my children....and many more things that I know will come... So again Here's to you all who I love with all my heart.


My Husband Mitch you sweet man!

My Mother, Father, Sister Leslie, Brothers Clay, Justin, Matthew,

Sister In law's Maria, Denise, Melissa, Brother In Law Nick, Aunt Joanne, Uncle Jim, Cousins Robin & Butch, David, Holly, Scott.Christy L., Sheri C.,

Dearest Friends: Kristen D. Diane D., Dana S., Rae H., Kim W., Stacey O., Pris M., Jeannie J., Emily S., Angie K., Melissa & Trevor D., Phil & Krista H., Erica & Scott B., Charlene H., Shari O., Stephanie F., Rochelle R., Shanon B., Sarah R.,Kirstin M., Marcy F., Vonda G., Laura K., Lonni B., Monda C., Jessica S., Jana Y., Amy & Chris C., My Bishop, Matt B., Lindsey J., Gina K., Jennie S., Debbie H., Nancy & Scott G., ....

If I have forgotten anyone I will just add later!

PS... On a funny note... I came home the other day from a doctors appointment and Ethen my 6 year old said and I quote " Mom, your breast look great! The doctor did a great job"... I just had to laugh and realize little ones really do not know everything that is going on but they sure know how to make you laugh...