Sunday, April 12, 2009

What Chemo Does To A Person...


As much as I thought I knew all about the side effects of chemotherapy I never realized how it can break your spirit! I have remained positive and happy for most of this journey but as the weeks have passed I noticed feeling down and had constant feelings of anxiety. For example I get nervous or stressed just to get the kids ready for school. It feels so huge of a task to do! I also do not have much to say and for me that is big because I like to talk and I'm always interested in people! Lastly, I feel like at times my hope is gone! I know it will come back but it feels like it will take a life time to be normal again! Oh an one more thing... I cry all the time!
What I have learned and never gave much thought about this chemo is that the toxic stuff entering the body literally messes with every sensory /feelings that a person has!
  • It begins to make you not "feel" anymore.
  • It begins to make you not "like life much"
  • It begins to make you"not appreciate" what you have because your so wrapped up in what is going on with yourself!
I guess you could say I'm in a dark place right now but I have to keep telling myself that This Will Pass! It is hard when your in the moment...I'll be honest I feel the chemo has built up so much in my body that I am now feeling the real effects of WHAT CHEMO DOES TO A PERSON!

I pray I will Begin to get better soon. It's not fare to my children and husband! I'm just numb. I sure wish the doctors told me that this is one of the MAJOR side effect besides just loosing my hair...

So for now I will just keep living day to day in hopes that the burden will be lifted and I will someday begin to "feel normal" again...

6 comments:

Candice said...

Oh, My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time...I had no idea. You are right, "This will Pass" but I am sure it is hard when you are in the thick of it. I hope you start feeling better soon. I will be thinking about you. Love you!

Owen said...

“Behold, the righteous, the saints of the Holy One of Israel, they who have believed in [Him], they who have endured the crosses of the world, . . . they shall inherit the kingdom of God, . . . and their joy shall be full forever.” 2 Nephi 9:18.

Christine said...

Yes, my heart is breaking too. If there is anything I can do, PLEASE let me know. We think about you all the time. You are always in our hearts and prayers. Hang in there Elizabeth. You are almost finished. You can do it!

melissa said...

Libby, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. It really sucks! Just know that things will get better- a little bit better every day and when life is "back to normal" you will love and appreciate life more than ever.
We love you!

Kristen said...

I"m sorry but that just SUCKS! There's no other word to discribe it. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. I wish there was something I could do. Lift it from you for a while. In the meantime, Jeff and I and the kids pray for you daily! Let's start praying that you'll be lifted out of this funk. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Charlene said...

It's hard to imagine feeling normal again when you're in the thick of it. You're doing such an amazing job with trying to stay positive...which is very hard to do in a situation like that!

Just know how much you are loved and that you are making an impact on so many people's lives.

Call me ANYTIME. I will talk, listen, hug, console....whatever you need!

Love ya...Charlene