I met with Dr. Boll my Plastic Surgeon. She believes Hyper Barics Oxygen Therapy has done it's job. 20 treatments and I'm done. Happy to hear that... It was getting so old and there is only so much CSI I could watch. Anyways I thought I'd be told "what I wanted to Hear" but I wasn't. The plan after her examining me is to PUT THE EXPANDER BACK IN. My skin is so sunken in (to my chest wall) that she feels it would not at all have a nice result. Now remember I'm up against reconstruction with very little skin, and no nipple so if the result wouldn't look to nice I better do what she wants!!! I just wanted to cry... This means I wait 6 months for the radiated tissue to heal then put the expander in and wait till my skin can tolerate total reconstruction.
I have no control over this just like I had no control over this cancer.
The other day I decided to go for a run. I started thinking okay.... Why me! When I was diagnosed with cancer in October I was eating well and exercising. I don't drink and I don't smoke. BUT I still got the monster! Then a little voice said to me... you have no control over this situation. It is was it is and I now am learning what I need to learn from this experience. So reconstruction is down the road. Yes I'm sad because I want to be put back together again. But honestly I'm just happy I can get up in the morning face life and the challenges that come. I look back at how sick I was and realized that when a person is given a sickness it truly takes every bit of life out of you. Your whole existence becomes confusing and your body just shuts down to any outside life!
So today is another day of being grateful for life! I'll admit I am a hair person and would like to have a body that doesn't look cut up and actually scary looking... but in the end it really doesn't matter!
My best friend Kristen D. text me the other night and asked if I had seen "So you think you can dance" where they did a dance routine about breast cancer.... I hadn't so I found the link... I just cried and felt so much joy at the same time....What a wonderful thing
to be able express this in an amazing performance! Enjoy http://video.yahoo.com/watch/5596365/14689629
Love to everyone of you who thinks of me and gives me such encouraging words.
4 years ago
4 comments:
You Amaze me ALL the time. I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!! I'm so glad you found that dance. Gorgeous. Emotional. Tears!
Ok. Just cried through that whole dance routine and all the comments. Wow. You've come so far Elizabeth.
I wanted to ask you if you had seen the dance yet. I bawled through the whole thing!! You are truly inspirational to me! Watching you find amazing strength through all of this, and now.. finally having the health to RUN. I can barely find any ounce of me that even wants to run!!
~much love~
Thinking of you today!
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