6 Month Check Up~ I hung out here~

As I walked by this room thoughts ran through my head...

1.  "I cant believe I hung out here"
2.   My heart aches for those sitting in these chairs and having to "hang out".  I know I have moved on in my life and my road to recovery has been met but I wanted so badly to tell any patient that was there
 "this to will pass"
3.  Even though I meet with my oncologist every six months and the remembrance of this room has faded.   The dream is there but at the same time it's like I have to really think deeply about it.  Its seriously like an outer body experience. I sat in those chairs and dreamed of the day that I would be on the other side of this journey~

I now know without a doubt this life changing experience has turned into a blessing. (I know this is so weird to say.)  I truly truly appreciate life~ no judgement of anything~ I try to love everyone I meet and know there is good in everything.

So the six month checkup has been done.  The scare of blood work has been read (even the slightest elevation of cancer markers causes me to feel sick to my stomach). However, I'm healthy, feeling good and have the desire to keep going and I believe that controls everything~   I didn't mind  "hanging out" this time because I leave with Peace and the dream is beautiful~

I had the opportunity to be interviewed about 2 weeks ago... (Amoena) a popular bra & prosthetic company.  It was mostly about my journey with Breast Cancer... I know my story has been told many times but since my time working directly with breast cancer patients it's been nice to see that I have been able to give back in some way despite the challenges the origination I represented has gone through in the last few months.

 My experience with The Breast Cancer Society has been nothing but positive and good.  I saw good in the programs offered.  It's just sometimes good is drowned by evil.  I have loved every survivor I met and worked with. I gained more knowledge and compassion being able to serve women directly and at the end of the day the patients needing help are the ones that got hurt~ I hope to somehow continue helping
"in the now" during the fight against breast cancer.  I am blessed to have witnessed such joy & happiness with the services the patients received.. Thank You Breast Cancer Society for showing me true compassion for others....Hope you enjoy the read


love to you all~

Spotlight-elizabeth-cluff The Breast Cancer Site

The C word never goes away,,,

This is me almost 6 year after final treatment of Radiation.  After Radiation came lots of surgeries so I wont count it in this post.

I've had the opportunity to work 1st hand with women nation wide helping them through support and services such as providing them with prosthesis and bras. Such a small thing to people I realize... However,,,, when you are in the "survival" mode and someone can reach out and say let me help you with some things that I feel will help you while heading into this journey it's worth 
all the money in the world!

 I've witness lots of tears of sadness and joy in my last years of providing help and  one thing we as survivors all have in common is the C word.  Even though I'm on the mend in life and doing well the C word  never goes away.  I can speak for hundreds of other ladies that they feel the same way.

Although I'm getting stronger and have moved on in my little world. I still see how life is still so precious and fragile.

Yesterday I complained about having to go "workout" and I had a bit of an attitude.   Immediately the  C word came into my thoughts...  this was the thought that came after..... "at least you get to workout and have the strength to do so!"  So with that said... no complaints here~ I will keep plugging along and moving forward with the C word in my life because I know I'm not alone...

Love to all my survivors and friends.
Elizabeth

Whats it like to have a your breast removed...

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2008

MET WITH RECONSTRUCTION SURGEON TODAY

Don't be offended with these pictures... I know it is personal but this is a good way for me to document my progress to recovery.
Here is where the lymph nodes were take from... Man it hurts! I can not lift a thing. When I do it feels like I have tingles run though out my arm and then a huge burning sensation. As you can see even with the ace bandage I am officially with 1 boob! Mixed feelings about this! On one hand I needed it gone so that I'd be cancer free and on the other hand It's sad to know my body will never be the same. No matter what kind of reconstruction is done it will never be the same... It will always be a reminder that I HAD CANCER!!! I need to get over this pity party... I'm really having a hard time today... Time to take the Valium....

This is a picture of a drain being removed. It's out! Yea! No more caring around 3 tubes pined to you with blood dripping into.. Really could turn you stomach.

I had 3 drains placed where the breast was removed. This way the excess fluid would drain out instead of absorbing in the boobless tissue and body... I can not explain how weird it felt when the drains were taken out. It felt like a long worm being pulled out of my body!

So today I've laid in bed a lot because I feel like I've been hit by a truck. So I need to stay away from my children because they do not understand and want me to hold them... I just cant. I'm so sad.. But I think to my self...."what would it be like it I could never hold them again?" This just makes me want to get this crap over with! So in a few weeks I will start having my breast tissue expaned, make plans for chemo and begin what I truly did not think would happen....Chemo!(I just grew my hair out too!) So I will just have to donate it.....

What did Chemo do to me?

By my 2nd treatment of chemo I really starting feeling the effects.  Back then I had written down what the 2nd treatment did to me and how I felt about myself.  Chemo not only physically makes you sick but mentally you start to break away from the real world and go into your very own!   I now realize that all these effects were very common with those going through Breast Cancer treatment.  At that time I just thought it was just me!

Below are my thoughts.

1/2009 This week I haven't felt all that bad... I was Eating, Sleeping and Taking Kids To School! But I have to say my spirits are low... I keep telling myself that this is totally normal!   How can someone with Cancer and going through Chemo  always be in good spirits and feel normal?   Here is my wish list 

I wish that sometimes...

1. People did not look at me funny!

2. That I could touch my head in the shower... When I wash my head I do it very quickly because it still feels weird to me!

3. I could taste flavorful food.

4. I did not have sleeping problems.

5. I did not gain weight! I thought for sure I'd loose but the steroid makes me retain water and want FATING FOOD!

6. I could get up in the morning feeling like I want to face the children.

7. I could stand Noise.

8. I could concentrate

9. I could get use to the WIG

How I was Diagnosed

diagnosed 

This is what I blogged about the 1st time I kinda knew something wasn't right...5 years ago. Here are my thoughts then...This was the beginning of my story

I mentioned to my doctor that I felt a little tenderness in one breast everytime I went for a run and wore a sports bra.. He said it was probably fibrocystic and if I wanted I could have mamo... I'm only 37 what do I have to loose? Heck! my insurance pays for ONE Baseline Mamo before age 40 so why not? I HAD NO LUMPS, BUMPS, Nothing, etc,,,etc,,,

• Well a few weeks later I decided to go do it and thought nothing of it. 1 week later I got the call they found microcalfications (speckles all over the breast) which looked highly malignant. What? Microcalfications! Malignant! Many people say microcalifications are nothing to worry about so I didn't.

• Another week later I met with a surgeon and before I knew it I had a scheduled sterotaticbiopsy. STAT!

• Results: Cancer, some contained and some not! Which means it has spread and I will have to have surgery and possible treatment.

Again I can not believe this... I guess you could say I'm some what in denial but I guess this is how I can keep a positive attitude since my life will be on hold for a while. Mixed feelings flowing threw my mind.. My children, My Husband, what in the world!!!! Life can be so challenging. Never Ending...

Season 5 / 5 years ago I was diagnosed

5 years ago I was told my life would be on hold for quite a while...

This picture was taken almost 5 years ago.  After my 1st chemo treatment 14 days to be exact... my hair began falling out... This changed my life forever...


I had a hard time back then watching anything related to Breast Cancer because I was living it....
This episode brings back memories but now I can say.. this too has passed and I appreciate every minute of my life now!

Lovely clip of a dancer supporting a breast cancer fighter.  Brings tears to my eyes every time I watch...

Breast Cancer Supporter~so you think you can dance season 5(click)